


The Amazing True Story of Two Ninjas in Love (Not Lust)

by HerbertBest



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Crack, Cute, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Humor, I hope, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, strip clubs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-11 02:48:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7024258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/pseuds/HerbertBest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of bloodshed and planet implosions there might just be a way for the Samurai Abstinence Patrol and Ninja Sex Party to come to some sort of truce. But can Danny and Arin figure out a way to negotiate a relationship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bricked

“Can you believe that dick?!” Brian stared impassively at Danny as he stormed around their spacious moon mansion. “They’ve pulled some stunts before, but blowing up the ACME Dildo factory?! That’s the lowest.”

Brian’s express changed to a glare, and Danny scoffed. “What do you mean, he did it to get my attention? We’re sworn enemies, duh! If he really wanted me to pay attention to him, all he’d have to do is like, punch me in the face or send me a Buttstagram or something.”

Brian remained implacable. “Ancient enemies, Ninja Brian. That’s totally what they do. I’m just gonna like go to a bar or something, screw this hiding and waiting for them to make a move…”

That was when a knock sounded at the front door. Carefully, Dan moved toward it and opened the mail-shoot. 

A brick tumbled to the ground before them, with a note strapped to it.

_Meet me in the alley behind the Silver Stain Strip Club_  
Come Alone.  
Limply,  
Arin Neverbone. 

“I know it’s a trap,” Danny said, crumbling the note and tossing it over his shoulder. “But I have to investigate the possibilities. The super sexy, stripper-related possibilities!”

Brian heaved out a sigh and followed Dan toward the airlock and their waiting space ship. He didn’t want to know if the Samurai Abstinence Patrol had somehow figured out how to use space travel. Maybe the whole lack of sex thing helped them conserve oxygen. He’d have to prod the truth out of Neverbone…once they captured him.


	2. Bagged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come with me, Ninja Brian! We will show him who the dumbass is! We’ll invoke DOUBLE dumbass on him!”

Danny insisted on buying himself a lapdance when they reached the club, of course. Brian sat idly by watching the event unfold, world-weary, annoyed by Danny’s inability to focus on the mission ahead. He thirsted to find Neverbone and learn the secret behind his reason for calling the meeting, but the second Dan saw a set of cans his brains flew out of his head.

Dan flagged down a redhead with bright blue bikini and started schmoozing. Brian grabbed a shot of scotch and tipped the bartender with an eyeball. He had no idea why the woman screamed. Didn’t anyone know anything about the metric worth of body parts these days?

“You must promise me something, Tiffany,” Danny said.

“Taffy,” the woman corrected.

“Ahh yes, Taffy…the sweetest of all tooth-wrecking candies. You must promise to slam your beautiful bod into my junk as hard as possible. It’s the only way to cure my ailment.”

The stripper snapped her gum and flicked her crimped hair. “It’s an extra six fifty to go to the champagne room, dude. Oh,” she reached into her tip bag and handed him a brick with a note wrapped around it. “And a guy in a white karate uniform said to give you this.”

Danny took the brick and unwrapped the note – which read _I said behind the strip club, dumbass!_

Danny crumbled the note. “Come with me, Ninja Brian! We will show him who the dumbass is! We’ll invoke DOUBLE dumbass on him!”

To Brian’s surprise, Arin was unarmed and waiting for them. Brian’s hand rested on the oversized sword he’d brought along just in case, but Arin held out his empty hand.

“At ease, ninja. I come in peace.”

Brian kept his hand on the hilt of the sword while Dan stepped forward protectively. “What do you want, Neverbone?”

He held out a piece of paper. “I come with a message from the Dick Elders,” he explained. “They’ve reached a decision.”

Danny read the message over twice. Then he glanced up and raised an eyebrow. “They’re giving up?”

“Yeah. Fighting an eon long battle against sex wasn’t going to work out for them. Who knew?”

“You sound awfully sarcastic in defeat,” Danny remarked. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Keep reading the note.”

“But I did read it…blah blah terms of surrender…blah blah sex…blah blah dicks…blah blah the terms of peace include marrying our best agent, one Arin Neverbone, to ensure peace between our factions Y’WHAT?” Danny blurted out.

“Yep.”

“They…they know we’re both dudes, right?”

“Yep.”

“And not gay? I have a song about that. Ninja Brian, the portable Casio!”

“Please. Don’t. Sing.”

Danny raised an eyebrow at Neverbone. “This is serious.”

“Yep.”

“And if we don’t?”

“Probably executed by the peacekeeping forces in the United Nations Council of Virginity.”

Danny whistled. “Um…want to come inside and talk this over, like gentlemen?”

“I suppose so. Not like I have a choice,” Arin grumbled.

With that, he retreated into the belly of the club, trailing a worried Brian behind them.


	3. Stabbed

“So…do you like things besides trying to enforce universe-wide abstinence?”

Arin’s lip curled in disdain. He’d been nursing the same soda for an hour while Danny tried to figure out what to do, while Brian tried to commune with the higher ups. He got no response at all. “I embroider.”

Laughter pealed forth from Danny’s lips. “Oh,” he realized suddenly. “You’re serious.” He cleared his throat. “I suppose embroidery’s a fairly erotic hobby. You could knit a sweet dick cozy…”

“Stop talking. Please, just stop talking.”

Danny’s eyes widened in total panic. “I don’t know how to do that!”

Brian glared at him, slapped him once upon the back of the head, and returned to his meditation. 

“There are lots of things to do besides…” Arin gestured to the front of his costume, “This. The universe is so big, and there’s so much in it.”

Danny took his words, absorbed them, and gave a quick brusque nod. “Like brimping.”

“…Please tell me that’s not a code name for a sex act.”

Danny’s smile tightened. “It’s….code for returning your library books on time and saying your prayers.”

“Ninjas don’t pray,” Arin said. “I know that for a fact.”

Danny bulldozed over this objection. “So…I guess you’re going to move into my place.”

“Which one?” Arin asked, “The base you have on the moon or the one in Jersey?”

Danny’s features crumpled. He clearly had no idea how they’d managed to dig though his walls and cloaks to find out where he lived in his off-hours. 

“We have surveillance everywhere,” Arin said, sounding incredibly proud of himself. Then his happiness visibly dimmed. “Had, once upon a time.”

Danny nodded. “I guess we should go to the little house. You’d love it- it’s a white picket fence dealio.”

Arin shrugged. “I’ll stay anywhere you need me to stay while we prepare for the ceremony. I could sleep standing up in the rain if I had to.” A blank look. “Most…ninjas are supposed to do that….” He sighed. “Never mind. Let’s finish our drinks and go…” he cringed. “Home.”

 

The house was…interesting. Arin spent a lot of time staring at the room-length aquarium that occupied the main side of the guest bedroom. The welcome wagon had suddenly become less welcoming when they’d reached the front door of the NSP abode; Brian had taken off to brood and Dan tried to avoid Arin after he requested some alone time. 

Arin sighed. He wasn’t exactly happy about the situation, either, but he was trying. In that he hadn’t even tried to kill either of them yet. 

He flopped down on the bed. At least everything was comfortably oversized, which would ensure him a good sleep.

The sudden vibration beneath him caught him completely by surprise. It didn’t stop. It nearly knocked him to the ground. He yelled Dan’s name and unsheathed his sword, stabbing the bed repeatedly until it died with an ear piercing buzz.

Danny ripped the door open, screeching in horror at the sight of the bed’s destruction. “DAKOTA JUNE!” he cried out, wrapping an arm around the desiccated material. “She was one month away from retirement!”

“Why in the world did it start to vibrate when I sat on it?! I thought it was a fiendish trap!”

“It’s a vibrating bed! Made for pleasure!” He sobbed, patting it sadly. “But now no one will ever have their balls tickled by her sweet face ever again.”

Arin sighed deeply. He resisted apology, and Danny didn’t request one. “Warn me next time, dude.”

Whatever Danny wanted to say next was completely eclipsed by the appearance of Brian in the doorway of the room. He narrowed his eyes at Danny and gestured for him to come closer. 

“I can’t talk to you now,” grumbled Danny. “I’ve got a mattress to bury.” They locked gazes. Dan raised an eyebrow. “Brian, this is…” His eyes widened. “Wait, tomorrow?” another glare. “But I don’t even have a suit that fits!” he whined.

“What is he saying?” asked Arin.

“He’s contacted the high council,” said Danny. “The wedding’s been moved up.”

“To when?” Arin asked.

“Tomorrow.”


	4. Wed

“I suppose it looks all right, Ninja Brian,” Danny said, admiring himself before a full-length mirror in a dressing room in the United Nation Council of Virginity’s headquarters. “But must it be so…white?” 

Brian sighed animatedly. Danny was wearing a very bright white suit with golden underwear and a ridiculous top hat. He looked like he’d escaped from a man’s fashion ad…from 1977. This was his “marital aesthetic,” he told Brian when the council had sent up a tailor for him. Brian’s aesthetic involved the addition of a small blood flower pinned incongruously to his chest, six cyanide capsules hidden in a secret compartment in his shoes, and an icy glare. 

He might need them, after all. Who knew if they could REALLY trust the SAP after everything they’d put Danny and Brian through? And vice-versa, if he was going to be honest with himself. But for once there lay a sense of peace instead of chaos, and Brian couldn’t really complain with the pampering the council was giving them.

That and the remnants of the SAP were nowhere in sight.

Arin was somewhere else in the building, he knew, having separated from them hours before, and been reunited with Barry. He wondered what sort of traditional garb someone from the SAP would wear to a marriage ceremony. Maybe a curtain. With eyeholes. 

Brian was torn. He didn’t exactly want Danny to be tied to the SAP but there were forces even stronger than their dojo at work at this point. All of his psychic powers and all of his connections – even his superior diplomatic skills – had gotten them nowhere. All he could do was be ready for the possibility of disaster.

An outcome that Danny was cheerfully oblivious to. “Hey Brian, do these pants make my junk look small?”

Brian just rolled his eyes and plucked a macaroon from the service table. Ten minutes later a butler came to escort them to the ceremony, Danny on Brian’s arm and a host of armed swordsmen watching their approach.

 

**** 

 

Brian didn’t have to worry about much. The ceremony, a civil one , passed by speedily. It was a fine gathering and, per the council’s rule, and mixed NSP and SAP traditions. Neither faction moved against the other in violence; perhaps because Arin, still and pale-faced before the council, seemed ready to vomit. Danny was blessedly oblivious but on his best behavior. Brian lost track of the words, so busy was he glancing from possible danger to possible danger. The basics were always the same. Both men were bound by sword to protect the dignity of the other, and knelt to receive their orders from the high council. They promised each other joy – and fidelity.

“We know,” said the officious-looking woman who had run the council since Brian was a small child, “that you have been at war for many years. But there are threats greater than you know beyond these walls waiting to take advantage of your might. It’s time we stopped fighting one another and joined to protect the world from a greater threat than any have ever imagined.” Brian’s chest tightened at the implication, but she seemed quite sure of her ruling. She smiled, patting each man on the shoulder with a sword. “Now you may kiss. Through a sheet.”

*** 

The reception was loaded with socializing and heavy booze. Brian didn’t allow himself to become soft even then, as Danny lurched from meal to meal and dance to dance. Something had to be fishy. Didn’t it?

No, that was just the sole they’d served up for the banquet.

When the night finally came to an end, he escorted Danny and Arin to their honeymoon suite. Arin turned even paler as Brian all but threw them both into the suite and locked the door behind them.

He raised an eyebrow when Barry appeared beside him. The man said nothing to Brian, simply sat on the right side of the door, pulled out a sai and started picking his teeth in the reflection.

Brian sat down on the floor with a thump and started polishing his sword, one eye on Barry, the other on the door. Though Brian could do what he could to protect things from the outside, some things in this world Danny would have to work out for himself.

 

**** 

 

Arin let out a nauseous sigh and walked to the bed, as Danny lingered behind him, watching him curiously. 

“Um..I hope you don’t take this as an insult, but do you mind if we start out with cuddling?” Danny wondered. Arin raised an eyebrow and slumped onto the bed, exhausted by the long ceremony. 

“I don’t mind if we don’t do anything,” Arin said.

“Oh, thank God,” Danny sighed, sitting down on the other side of the bed. He stretched out beside Arin on the counterpane but made no further move to touch him. “But…you’re _abstinent._ I thought when you guys get married you have to ride the carousel of manmeat.”

Silence followed. “You know, Danny,” Arin said, breaking it just before Danny dozed at the stillness, “when I was a little boy I used to dream about my wedding day. I was going to have a huge ass piece of cake and dance three feet apart from my bride. Then, finally, we’d go up to a room and make love through the traditional Samurai chastity curtain. Everything a man dreams of for his wedding night.”

“Right, of course.”

“But the key word here is love. In other words,” Arin said, “I’m not going to violate my principals and give myself to someone who doesn’t love me just because I’ve been kidnapped into this stupid situation.”

“I…can respect that?” He almost could. He even felt a little sorry for Arin. 

“I thought you might,” Arin rolled over with a sigh. He picked up the bedside garbage can and placed it between them. “Knock this over,” Arin said, “and I’m going to leave you here to face the council’s judgment.”

“Understood,” Danny yelped. He crossed his hands over his chest and stared at the ceiling.

“Knew it,” observed Arin, drifting off to sleep. “You’re not gay…not gonna love me, either.” 

Danny stared at the ceiling for a very long time after Arin fell asleep, his words stuck in his mind as deep and true as that chicken was stuck in Samurai Barry’s teeth.


	5. Flown

Danny woke from his slumber considerably more rumpled then when he’d gone to bed; the smell of trash and the tension of trying to relax without touching the person in bed beside him. Arin woke up bright-eyed and bushytailed. 

He instantly started to meditate. Of course he did.

Danny struggled through a dull shower until he dressed himself. Settling beside Arin on the bed, this was how Brian found them a few moments later.

He headed Brian off at the pass, cornering him and dragging him into a dark corner. Arin was humming loudly enough to drown out their psychic conversation.

“No, we didn’t consummate the marriage in a shower of baby oil and lust,” Danny whispered. “It’s a long story…yes, I know abstinent doesn’t mean chaste!” He leaned against the wall. “Ninja Brian, I have no idea what I’m going to do. He won’t put out unless I love him.” Brian frowned, stared at Dan’s suddenly rashy cheek. “Yes, I remember that I break out every time I say the word ‘love’,” he sighed, rubbing his own face. “Until he puts out we don’t have a marriage, which means the United Nations Council of Virginity can sue me, which means the end of our adventures and the beginning of my search for a good lawyer.”

Brian handed him a card. “Huh. I didn’t know your Uncle Myron practices.” He tucked the card away in his breast pocket.

Arin’s approach made the two men leap apart and into a defensive position. He eyeballed them both and sighed. “Dan,” said Arin, “how do you feel about taking a trip with me?”

“Where?” Danny wondered.

“To the Palace of Ice Baths,” Arin said. “It’s the sacred meditation spot of my people. I need to commune with the elders of the order. They’ll tell me what we should do next about…this…since you don’t have any interest in me. There must be a way out that will allow us to keep the peace.”

“As long as they have smooth, sexy music on the flight I’ll be thrilled to accompany you. Husband,” he said, letting the words weigh on his tongue.

Arin beamed. “Thank you,” he said with some genuine sincerity in his voice.

When Danny was sitting on a small plane listening to Rednex sing “Cotton Eyed Joe” for the tenth time with Arin snoring on his shoulder that smile made the whole ordeal almost worthwhile. Almost.


	6. Drawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian, Dan and Arin travel to Limpland so Arin may commune with his ancestral spirits. Dan’s opinion of Arin just might be changing.
> 
> Also, Brian falls in love...with madelines.

It’s quiet. That’s what Danny noticef as he and Arin wandered the busy town of Limpland. Attitude City was usually blaringly loud with the sound of people living semi-tame lives; people here were quiet, more thoughtful, and more pallid. 

And all of the women were wearing ankle-length skirts.

He silently followed Arin and tried his best to blend in, though he was an involuntary standout even in a plain white shirt and jeans. Even Brian had forgone his usual outfit in the hope of maintaining diplomacy, wearing a blue turtleneck and khakis. 

“You look like twins,” Arin has said, earning him the glares of both ninjas.

Then Arin jabbed him in the elbow. “Hold my hand.”

Danny recoiled as if he’d been told there was a bee on his shoulder. A bee with no boobs and a very sharp stinger. “Excuse me?!”

“Everyone here knows we’ve married,” Arin hissed through his clenched teeth. “We need to look happy. Ergo, HOLD MY FUCKING HAND.”

Danny reluctantly extended his hand and Arin took it. He raised an eyebrow at the sensation. Arin’s pudgy paw was warm and soft, and it held him in an almost desperate grip. It was kind of….nice, to be honest.

When Arin stopped before a blind, red-bricked alley, so did he. “The Palace is down this street,” Arin said. “You can’t come with me; it’s only for members of the SAP. Can I trust the two of you not to make trouble while I’m gone?”

Danny had been watching his ninja companion eat. Brian had bought a tray of sugar-sprinkled tea cakes from a street vendor, and had been spending time packing them away while glaring malevolently at Arin, and Danny had been busy trying to surreptitiously stare at the pretty girls. “Huh? Oh sure. Hey, if they have any more of those cakes, get some for Ninja Brian please? He really seems to like them.”

“First of all, they’re madelines, and second, I’m sure they have teacakes hidden in a sacred palace,” Arin said, voice heavy with sarcasm. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

“Oh, fine – wait, a couple of hours?!”

But Arin was gone, leaving Brian and Dan alone in the unfamiliar city.

*** 

“Ninja Brian, I’m brooding.”

Brian glanced up from the origami swan he’d carefully folded his napkin into. Dan sighed. “I know I shouldn’t announce what I’m feeling, but I’m feeling it especially deeply.” 

Brian reached over and slapped him once across the face. “Thank you. But I’m still brooding. Why? Because I’m worried about Arin. Why does he need to commune with his ancestors for so long? How does he even have ancestors? I do suppose the Neverbones had to breed to keep their line going, but I can’t believe they actually…do it.” Brian glared at him. “Yes, I know what the word abstinent means!” He pouted and took another bite of his teacake. “I’ll just sit here and have this cookie.” Another glare. “I’ll have the _madeline_ then. How the fuck am I supposed to know what it is? It looks like a cookie….I’m sorry,” he said, backing down before Brian could kill him in broad daylight.

Brian rolled his eyes, jammed a deadly finger into Danny’s shoulderblade, and then pointed to a distant spot beyond the outdoor café at which they’d settled to gorge themselves. Sitting on a rock wall with a large sketchpad settled before him was Arin. 

And he didn’t look happy.

Dan tried to approach him delicately, but Arin kept his eyes averted. “Are you okay?” Dan asked.

“Well,” Arin said, not looking up from his pad, “they kicked me out. I’m married now; not pure enough to be in the temple anymore." 

“Didn’t you tell them I didn’t slip you my tubesteak?”

Arin’s nose wrinkled. “No, and you ought to remember why. God, while I’m asking questions, why are you so awful at lying?”

“I’m GREAT at lying, shows you how much you know about me.” Danny sat down on the wall without being asked, peeking over Arin’s shoulder. The sketch…was actually impressive, a pretty perfect rendition of the town as it lay before them. “I didn’t know you possessed a quantum of talent.”

“Once again: I do more than go around stopping people from making love,” he muttered. “Do you want to leave already, or will you leave me alone so I can finish this?”

“Okay,” Danny said. When he didn’t move Arin returned to his pad and started carefully shading in the scene before him.

Danny let the afternoon seep in around him, he did absolutely nothing but sit and sweat and wish they believed in crop tops on this planet. But all and all, it was…quiet, actually. Pretty. Sweet, out here, with the apple blossoms waving over his head. It would be a little bit better if he were getting a sweet blowie, but actually, it was almost kind of peaceful.

The next time he glanced at Arin’s sketchpad, he was surprised to notice that the picture had sprouted a rock wall, and a small Danny in.

But the Danny in the picture wasn’t sweating to death in a turtleneck. He was wearing blue. He was in his uniform. He was holding cookie-no, madeline – in his hand. 

And he looked happy. Danny supposed he always at least looked happy to everyone around him (and why not? His life was freaking sweet). But Arin had caught something in Dan’s being, something secret and under the surface that was beautiful. 

Genuinely beautiful. 

“That’s… a really good likeness of me,” he said softly. “I thought you’d like…draw me in a chastity cage or in a turtleneck or something.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you the way you are,” Arin said. He lifted his shoulders, shrugged, stood up and cracked his back. “I think I’m ready to go back to your place now. I guess I’m going to have to settle in sooner or later, right?”

“All right.” Danny’s knees cracked as he stood up. “Come, Ninja Brian,” he said, following Arin close behind. When the other man took his hand, he didn’t even wince.

At the café, as they passed by, Ninja Brian nodded once, stood up with great dignity, and wiped a hand across his powdered sugar-spotted mask.

Then he reached over and broke his waiter’s neck with a clean motion before he could give Brian the check.


	7. Confronted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny returns with Arin and Brian to their lair, and Danny makes an overture to Arin.

The lovenasium was quiet when they return to it. Eeerily quiet, to the point of actually creeping Danny out.

Arin didn’t say anything when they had dinner together, sitting beside Danny, and then retreated to the privacy of his room. And then it was even worse, like sitting in the cavernous, pitch-black empty void. Maybe this was what being inside of a Muppet felt like. A particularly evil Muppet.

“Ninja Brian, do we still have that oompa band on speed dial?” Brian narrowed his eyes. “What? But I thought I transferred the number to my new phone?” Brian threw up his hands. Danny sighed. “Fine. What do you think would make Arin happy?”

He pointed at a series of throwing knives, lined up on the counter by size, and freshly polished. “While it’s sweet of you to volunteer, I don’t know if Arin is as into murder as you are.”

Brian’s eyes narrowed in resentment. Dan prepared himself for yet another uncool and likely semi-fatal stabbing. But when he opened his eyes, Brian was just staring at him.

Indeed, Brian’s expression was bone-dry. He pointed to a large pot of tulips – the ‘sexiest flower’ according to every single woman in the Doolittle galaxy – and gestured. _Pull them up._

“Flowers? But that’s so…common.” Brian stared. “I know things are common because they’re universally powerful, my friend. But really? You think that would cheer him up?”

Danny knew without having to communicate with Brian that the Ninja meant what he meant. He reached for the kitchen drawer and pulled it open.

*** 

He did clean the roots up a bit, before bringing the blossom to Arin. He even made a great show of knocking on the door before entering.

And Arin was quite alone – and quite red-eyed- when he answered the door. “What are those things?” he asked.

“Tulips,” Danny said. He held them out. “Why are you crying?”

Arin shook his head. “You wouldn’t understand,” he said.

“We’ve been through all that,” Danny insisted. “I bet I would.”

“My clan was my whole life,” Arin said. “It was my reason for waking up in the morning. I know people didn’t respect our quest – immediate gratification is always such a pull…” He glanced up to see Danny’s expression turn slightly guilty. “But it suited me. Abstinence didn’t mean chastity. It meant waiting for sex that felt right.”

“Oh,” Danny remarked under his breath. He’d been so busy fighting the SAP and the repression he thought they stood for that he hadn’t considered their message. Not that he entertained believing it. Ever. He loved sex too much to ever give chastity a second thought. But the SAP were people too, even with their wrongheaded ideas. Danny had forgotten that.

“But now I don’t have that choice,” he grumbled. “It’s stay with you my whole life or be excommunicated from the whole Council. Persona non grata, forever.”

“Trust me, I’m not too thrilled about it either.” Danny sighed. “A lifetime of mastering the sweet art of cunnilingus, thrown down the drain.” Then, he added sadly, “blee bleh bleh.”

“Of course.” Arin said. “My only question is - why?” said Arin. “You confuse me, Daniel Sexbang. Years ago, you left being a ninja behind and you never, ever looked back. Why does being ostracized by the Council matter to you?”

“Because Brian wasn’t,” Danny admitted. “That’s where we get most of our money – off of his retirement pension. Plus there’s some sweet sugar mommies down in Attitude City who love to have people taken care of, and I can’t.

“Ah,” said Arin flatly. 

“I hope this makes you feel a little better – and I hope I don’t sound like a total dick when I say this. But if I lost Brian, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, either.”

“Mm,” Arin said.

Dan moved away from the door. “Um…please take the tulip? It’s dripping all over me, and…”

“All right,” Arin said. He took it, brought it into his room. 

To Danny’s surprise, he didn’t throw it away. 

He paused, standing in front of the spare bed. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Danny,” said Arin finally, sounding about as exhausted as Danny felt.

“Right,” Danny said.

The next morning, when Brian sent their robot maid in to make Arin’s bed, it sent them back a picture – the bedstand, with Dan’s tulip in a vase. 

Maybe they’d figure this out yet.


	8. Confounded

The weeks passed by easily, amiably. Danny and Arin came to understand one another on a more thorough level – one that didn’t involve fighting or boning. Arin continued his search for true purpose, and in between they sunbathed, went to the beach, went out to eat and dance together. Sometimes they even let him play guitar when they busked for extra money. 

Everything progressed along pleasantly for a long time, until one day Danny looked across the table at Arin during breakfast. Arin was laughing over some dumb joke Dan had made, and a strange, melting feeling filled Danny’s chest. Immediately followed by panic. 

The door to Brian’s room shook before Danny barreled through it, his eyes wild. “HOW DOES LOVE WORK?” he yelled at the top of his lungs. 

Brian quietly darted him, and Danny slumped to the ground, groaning and holding his own neck. 

“Brian. No. That smarts!” he sighed, and pulled the dart out. Brian threw his hands up, completely frustrated. “So can you help me?” Danny asked. Brian stared. “I have a perfectly good reason for wanting to ask it’s…Arin. I think Arin’s cute.” Silence. “I KNOW I’M INTO THE LADIES. But….Arin’s just…he’s like…y’know? Different in some strange prim and proper way – like Mary Poppins making out with And I didn’t think we’d have all of this, but we do?” A glare. “I’m not hysterical!”

Ninja Brian slapped him, twice. Danny took a deep breath and sat back with a deep breath. “What am I going to do?” he asked sincerely. “Tell him my feelings? That’s….he’s going to make fun of me! That never works out! But…I know if I don’t say anything then I’ll never get these weird gross feelings out. So….I have to go talk to him.” He grabbed Brian’s hand. “And you’re coming with me!”

The Ninja made a sound of distress as he was dragged along.


	9. Bottlenecked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny confronts Arin with his feelings, but Arin knows he can't love Danny the way Danny's accustomed to. Can the two men adjust?

Arin was sitting on the fold-out bed he’d borrowed so many weeks ago from Danny, wearing neck-high blue pajamas and knitting. His emotional agitation helped speed the motion of his needles as they clacked together. The evening was remarkably sedate at the compound into which he’d married, and he wasn’t about to risk the peace by bringing danger raining down upon his head. 

This wasn’t the sort of evening he’d expected to have when he’d fantasized about his married life while living at his clan’s dojo. He thought it for the millionth time, as he finished knotting together another row of stitches. He was supposed to be sitting with his husband or wife in meditation as they spread the word of abstinence and ruled over their dojo. They were supposed to have children on the way, somehow. They were to have ruled the Nerverbone clan forever, until they were old and grey and retired to their calming pursuits. He was not supposed to be knitting by the glow of an obscenely shaped lava lamp, listening to the silence and trying to figure out what they were going to do the next day, watching a brass ring glow on his finger and thinking about how 

It was not supposed to be anything like this at all. He wasn’t supposed to be sitting here alone. 

Damn it. He put the project aside, pulled the sheets from his body, and stomped toward the door.

When it flew open he fell back in alarm and was shocked to see Danny standing before him, eyes wide, his big hand splayed out. 

“Oh. Hello, Arin.”

“Hi,” Arin said flatly. “Would you mind….?”

“Oh, of course!” he held out his hand and pulled Arin to his feet. “I’ve come to declare something.”

Arin blinked at him. “If you want me to move out, I’ll need a month.”

“No!” Danny shouted. “I want to tell you that….I _like_ you.”

Arin stared at him blankly. “I have no idea what to do with that information.”

Danny seized his hand. “Say that you’ll be my one and only. You’re the only man I’ve ever felt uh…feelings like this for,” he said. “I think I’d like to see if we can maybe make this a real…marriage.”

Arin tilted his head at him. “Danny…”

“What?”

“What if I’m not….into you? Sexually? Can you be okay with the idea of me not having sex with you? Maybe ever?”

They were interrupted by the sound of glass shattering, and the footfall of a hundred ninjas swinging their way into the room. Danny grabbed Arin close to his chest, pressing the breath from his lungs.

Arin had planned on romance. But heaven knew plans could change in the blink of an eye.


	10. Decide

There were an awful lot of ninjas surrounding them. A frighteningly large amount. Arin was clinging to Dan’s inner arm far too sharply, which was probably why he kept gasping in pain. But he had no idea what to do, who had come for them – until a shorter man in a familiar samurai costume emerged from their midst.

“Samurai Barry! “ Arin shouted. “What’s the meaning of this?”

The ninja pulled off his helmet. “Word from the United Nations Council of Virginity arrived at the dojo. They request your appearance and Sexbang’s at a large peace festival in Koyoto!”

“That’s impossible,” Arin scoffed. “If that were true, Dan would have told…”

“Ohh, that’s what that gold embossed invitation was about!” Danny slapped his own forehead. “I threw it in the pile with the rest of them. We get a LOT of fancy invites. I’m a pretty important person, y’know. I lost a ball in the Ding Dong Wars…”

“Will you…” Arin trailed off and huffed out a sigh. “How much time do we have to pack?” he asked Barry.

“A few minutes. The meeting is in a day.”

“Of course it is,” he grumbled. “I don’t understand why. They won’t let me pray in the tample anymore. I’m not…pure in the eyes of our people anymore.”

Barry shrugged. “You’re also evidence that interclan wars can be solved by marriage. I guess that’s more important than anything else.”

Arin nodded. “Fine. Will you please take the troops outside?”

“Wait, don’t I get a say in…”

“No,” said Arin. He was at the closet, pulling kimonos and robes out of their temporary places of storage.

Danny watched the men file out. Brian brandished his knife at them but didn’t use it, which surprised Danny. He was used to violence from him that was more unpredictable and wild. 

“Arin…”

“We don’t have time to talk about this now.” He zipped the suitcase; the sound was whiny and sympathetic to the noise in the back of his head. “Besides I want you to think about it. Really think about it.”

Danny gulped, and realized that would be a harder task than he’d ever been given before. “Okay,” he said, because it was all he could say. “I’ll think about it…. _hard._.” Arin stomped out of the room with his suitcase. “I forgot that my sexy puns don’t work on him,” said Danny to Ninja Brian. 

Ninja Brian was watching his face as if he were waiting for Danny to explode. “Not cool,” he said, but Brian just raised an eyebrow and started packing their things away.


End file.
